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Audrey JoAnn | Content and Copy Writer

Compelling Copy for Female Founders

EVERYONE HAS TO SETTLE — TO SOME EXTENT

September 6, 2018

I remember in high school, my friends and I made these long, detailed lists of all the things we wanted in our future boyfriends. (Were we losers? Probably.) Some of the more low-key adjectives included honest, athletic, tall, funny, smart, blue eyes, musical, educated, talkative, supportive, well-read, interested in the same hobbies as me, loves his family but not a mama’s boy, sweet but not clingy, and pisses gold, basically. We were just some seriously low-maintenance gals describing a fictional being.

There are plenty of incredible, talented, kind men out there, but I promise there is not one, who isn’t Jesus himself, who fits our long lists of must-haves. And guess what? I don’t fit the female version of this list of qualities that make up the perfect partner, either.

I can be jealous and passive aggressive while my hair and makeup looks like Beyonce’s, or I can be compassionate and a good listener even though I haven’t washed my hair in four days and have five pimples. None of us are constant; none of us bring the same strengths and wins every day. And what a relief! I would not want the pressure of perfection day in and out.

Yet, when dating or pursuing our dream job, we have all these often impossible expectations for what we deserve and what we won’t put up with. As someone who has gotten her “dream” job and realized almost immediately it wasn’t all I had hyped it up to be, take it from me: Knowing your bottom-line nonnegotiables is way more important than sticking to your unrealistic standards.

Woof. That felt harsh just writing it. Mark Manson said it in an even harsher way (#deflection) in his book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” when he asked readers, “What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich?” He was talking about this in a professional setting, but whether it’s in work or relationships, he means: Nothing is absolutely wonderful all of the time, so you better get accustomed to understanding what crappy parts you are willing to put up with. Which ones, to you, are most tolerable, or even your favorite?

When John and I first started dating, he invited me over to cook dinner and watch a movie one Sunday night. I got to his apartment for the first time ever, and he was so excited to show me around. I remember clearly when he exclaimed, “I cleaned the whole weekend for you!” This guy already had me a little freaked out because he seemed too nice and thoughtful to be true. Based on my previous picks, he was an all out saint. But, of course, that is never truly the case.

Cleaning for me is practically my love language, but I learned a few months later that he’d spent the whole weekend cleaning because he HAD to spend the whole weekend cleaning. Dude is freaking messy. I probably would have ran far and fast if I’d seen his place Friday instead of Sunday.

As it was, his messy habits gradually made themselves known right around the same time the honeymoon phase was wearing off. Funny how that works, isn’t it? This is a flavor of “shit sandwich” that I haven’t loved, but I can accept, or at least tolerate as I re-wipe down the counters after him… He has a few more irritating or disruptive flavors than this, of course, and so do I, of COURSE. But his good parts–his compassion and desire to make me happy and eagerness to grow and learn and just plain smarts, and, not to mention, he’s smoking hot–make the bad bearable, and almost quirky.

We are so quick to encourage friends to keep their standards high and their heads higher, blah blah blah, but I think we should be giving friends some useful advice, instead. You are GOING to have to settle for someone who doesn’t meet every ideal picture in your head. You are going to have to settle for a job that appeared the stellar fit for you on paper, but doesn’t challenge or motivate you every minute of every day. You are going to have to settle for a living situation, a conversation, a pet (oh, Lord, the pet disappointments are real) that fall short of your desires. How about we encourage friends to embrace the flaws in themselves and others instead of running away at the first sign of tough goings?

It’s time, however, to end the job, relationship, or et cetera situation as soon as the flavor becomes not just irritating, but unbearable. It’s not acceptable to be belittled, abused, or undesired. It is not okay to feel unappreciated or taken advantage of, so please hear me. I don’t think you need to settle for a miserable life. No, no, absolutely not. But it is totally permissible to let go of the grip on your possibly unrealistic standards of the dream life, whatever that might entail, and allow yourself to show your messy, less beautiful side in the hopes of finding a person who is as willing to show up and learn through the nasty flavors and uncomfortable moments of growth as you are. Settle for giving, and getting, grace.

What have you learned to settle in to? Let’s chat!

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Welcome! I'm Audrey, and I adore connecting with female founders and telling their stories in a way that matters & lasts for years to come.

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audskelton

My two favorite guys in the world. 🤍🌎 My two favorite guys in the world. 🤍🌎
Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands without a bump. 👐🏼 Wallace, trying to figure out what we’re doing out of the house. 🤨

First family walk in the books! All of 10 minutes. 🤪 (Also, does anyone else notice the rainbow over Wally?... My heart. 🌈🥺)
1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & mos 1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & most rewarding week of my life. Babies’ sleep schedules, y’all. They are not for the faint of heart.

Wallace is hitting all his milestones, has learned the alphabet, and is picking up Latin. Just kidding. But he CAN poop 3 times in an hour and a half 😎, and he eats like a champ, is so strong that we prefer to tag team diaper changes for now, and makes the sweetest, cutest noises all day long. (And night.) Like even his cry is cute. 😩

One of my friends called this time the “wet weeks”: urine, breast milk, spit up, night sweats, tears, blood, more tears. It’s a lot, and it’s temporary. So even in the hard moments, we are reminding ourselves that the hardest things are often the best things. 

And this really has been the best thing.

So, so thankful for a hands-on husband who’s been so involved in everything... there’s something indescribable about watching your partner care for your child and step into a big, new role like this so gracefully. And we are thankful for ALL of the support, near and far (... mostly far), from our family and friends and coworkers. What a week... here’s to continuing to figure it all out together as a family. 😌
At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worl At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worlds and hearts were changed forever. Everything in between was a gritty, fast-moving tidal wave of emotion, pain, instinct, and a kind of love I never could’ve imagined.

Welcome, Wallace Ronal Skelton. 🤎 You kept us waiting until you decided, very quickly, you’d like to be here. I’m still in disbelief that you are ours. 

January 4, 2021 • 7 lbs 4 oz • 20.5 inches • Sweet as can be.
Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our sense of punctuality which realllly threw me for a loop after thinking & saying for months that I was certain he/she would get here early. I’ve drank 3 boxes of raspberry leaf tea in 3 weeks, walked dozens of miles, eaten way too many dates, done hundreds of squats and bench step-ups... and now I’m surrendering. You come whenever you feel like it, little one. I’m comfy enough and can still sleep through the night (minus a bathroom break or two) so we will just keep on waiting and letting you teach us our first lesson of parenthood: PATIENCE. I knew I could always use some more of it. 😉 #40weekspregnant #pregnancy
scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morni scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morning hike. ☀️🍂 in a year that’s felt like 5, getting outside whenever we can has been my favorite way to reset. so thankful to live in such gorgeous surroundings!
our first and probably only christmas just us thre our first and probably only christmas just us three! quiet and simple and a little sad but mostly filled with hope and gratitude. hope yours is special in all the best ways. 🤍
the most freeing parenting advice i’ve heard so the most freeing parenting advice i’ve heard so far? (and i’ve gotten a lot this year!) our children NEED to see us to mess up. they need to see us walk through mistakes, fix our messes, apologize, learn, and readjust.

as someone who very much realizes i’m nowhere *near* perfect but is also terrified something i’ll do might mess my kid up for life... hearing this advice has stuck with me so profoundly. i think about it every day, especially as we get closer and closer to becoming parents.

we don’t need to get it right. in fact, we’re serving them better when we get it wrong AND course correct openly. when we can admit our faults and say we’ll do better next time.

i had a friend tell me a few months ago she apologizes to her baby all the time. she’ll say, “i’m sorry that i really don’t know what you need right now, but i’m learning... i’m sorry that you’re upset, let’s figure this out together.”

and i thought that was a beautiful way to own and lean into the truth that parenting isn’t having the answers all figured out—at all. it’s guessing and learning as you go and being able to be humble enough to apologize to your infant when you don’t get it right (and then your toddler, and then your kid, and then your teenager).

these next 18+ years are going to be an adventure, i can already tell. lots of mess-ups. lots of sorry’s. lots of goodness. 🤍

oh, and... can we all agree that the worst parenting advice is “sleep when the baby sleeps”?! as the lightest sleeper ever, i don’t need that pressure in my life. 😅 

photo by @jilliangoulding
the body of the grinch but the heart of cindy lou the body of the grinch but the heart of cindy lou who. ♥️

(wrong holiday, i know—but let’s not pretend 90% of us don’t already have christmas stuff up already okay?)

however you’re celebrating & whoever you’re celebrating with today, i hope it’s special. happy thanksgiving, friend! 🦃🍂💛 #thanksgiving #35weekspregnant
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