Audrey JoAnn - Writer ● Adventurer ● Storyteller

HOW TO BECOME A FREELANCER

October 11, 2018

I’ve got to be honest. I haven’t known what to write about lately. In my Google Drive, I have a long list of blog post ideas and topics. But I’m getting married in 10 days, and it felt weird to write about sleep habits or career development or relationship challenges when I’m living in a vacuum that is all things BIG DAY. My life right now is guest counts, final invoices, printing hashtag signs, and checking my weather app 27 times a day. (Fingers crossed for anything below 78 degrees in a week and a half.)

I never thought I would be a stressed-out wedding countdown kind of girl, but here we are. Identity crisis for one, please. So, that’s precisely why I’m writing about something other than wedding things. While I am so thrilled for the day itself and the many fun activities surrounding it, everything lately has revolved around planning. I need to think about something else.

SNOOZING IS EVIL & HERE’S WHY

September 27, 2018

One of my worst bad habits is snoozing my alarm when it goes off every morning. John and I both do it, and usually our alarms aren’t synced, so his goes off, then a few minutes later mine goes off, and then his again a couple minutes later, then mine, then his, etc., etc. If I weren’t so busy trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep, I’d probably be annoyed by the influx of interruptions every morning.

Instead, we take turns tapping the Snooze button on each of our iPhones and rolling over for just a few more minutes of shuteye. And then a few more. And then a few more. It is such a part of my wakeup routine that I really don’t think twice about it most days.

But earlier this week, after hitting Snooze for the first time Tuesday morning (I usually partake in 3 to 4 snoozes a day), a thought came to me. Is snoozing for a half hour or more every day affecting my health? The question was enough to pique my interest, but alas, as the true snoozer I am, I fell back asleep regardless of my curiosity.

EASY TIME MANAGEMENT HACKS THAT EVERYONE CAN USE

September 21, 2018

I went to Sprouts the other day for groceries, and after paying, I started pushing the plastic-bag handles onto my wrists, stacked like several very heavy bracelets on each arm. I’d already gotten my car keys out of my purse and was at the ready to put the shopping cart in its inside lineup before loading my groceries into the car in one seamless trip.

I was not about to waste time on bringing the cart out with me and then having to take even more precious seconds to put it to one of those cart parking spots that seem to never be conveniently located. Psh. The cashier stared as I loaded about 15 grocery bags onto my arms and, (rightfully) full of judgment, asked, “You’re not going to use the cart?”

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH

September 13, 2018

The other week, I drove to this field of wild sunflowers outside of my neighborhood with a pair of scissors and snipped about a dozen of those golden beauties to take home with me. I had just bought a new vase and couldn’t wait to set up these freshly picked flowers on a bookshelf to brighten our living room. So thrifty am I — I didn’t need a $9 bouquet from Whole Foods! All I needed was some scissors and the patience and grit to pull stickers off the ankles of my socks for 15 minutes when I got home. In the field, which is more of an overgrown empty lot, I cut the flowers from their mother stems, and each oozed with sticky juice that even the strongest of dish soap with water couldn’t remove from my hands when I got home.

I also realized, after a short drive back to the house, I transported a couple of small, eight-legged friends home with the flowers. When I saw the spiders scuttling and burrowing deeper into the center of the sunflowers, I promptly freaked out, dropped the bouquet in the kitchen sink, and gave them a quick rinse. Mentally, I’m still scarred that they were IN THE CAR ON MY LAP for approximately three minutes. Finally, my quick attempt at a free spruce-up of my living room came to a close when I patted them dry with a paper towel, filled my gorgeous new vase with water, placed them on their new shelf home, and prayed the spiders had found their new home — down the drain.

The flowers died the next day.