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Audrey JoAnn

Writer ● Adventurer ● Storyteller

A LITTLE “REBRAND,” A LOT OF LIFE

June 14, 2018

Things are looking a little different around here. Freckles and Figs is no longer. Nashville is no longer. Leaving my house for work is no longer. Life right now is weird and different and good, and with so many “no longers” come a lot of “but nows…”–I’m stoked for most of them, and working on navigating others.

First up was a website change that has been in the works for a while now. When I first started my blog, I thought Freckles and Figs was a PREMIUM name and that it was the perfect portrayal of me in three words. Hellooo, I have freckles. And hello, figs are obviously a symbol of all things healthy, intricate, or beautiful (I mean, duh), aka the themes I broadly wanted to cover on my blog. I mean, were all those poetic parallels not apparent?… No, no they were not.

So, even though it was cute and alliterate, and it was, um, a “fun” conversation starter when people would ask, “So, what does it mean?”–after a while, I didn’t love the name anymore. I probably could have stood to do a tiny bit more longterm thinking before running with Freckles and Figs, but here I am, living, learning, and backtracking like a pro. After a year or so, it started to feel like it wouldn’t be a lasting name that I could, hopefully, still be posting on in my 40s, 50s, etc. Basically, cute-but-confusing isn’t the brand vibe I want to work with for the rest of my blogging life.

I went back and forth between Freckles and Figs and a new name, but couldn’t land on anything I wanted to commit to forever. I kept coming back to the only thing I know I’ll have forever, my name. So of course, as any legit millennial would do, I posted a poll on Instagram stories about whether I should change the blog name to my name.

And then I didn’t pay attention to the response because, as soon as I posted the question, I realized I wanted the new name regardless. My sister will tell you this is how I make all of my decisions: Ask for help, and then do whatever I was going to do anyway. Hey, it gives me clarity every time! (Sorry, Kels.) Fingers crossed I won’t get sick of my own damn name in two years.

(Watch me get sick of my own damn name in two years and do this all over again.)

So even though the name is different and the site got a little face lift, I still want the soul of my blog to be the same: a place for honest conversations. Not just me blabbing about clothes or decor or an embarrassing story that happened at the store last week–although, there will still be plenty of that because girlfriend has embarrassing stories for days–but more so, there will be authenticity and humor and vulnerability and chatting about growth and forward motion and struggles and faith and relationships and failures and creativity and becoming the best me I can be, and the best you you can be.

I want to use this blog as a forum to get to know my peers and inspire one another to live the most fulfilling versions of our lives, and I think the only way to fully experience that is in community and friendship with others. One thing I plan on incorporating into the site is, instead of writing only about my stories and experiences, I want to feature women in creative or entrepreneurial spaces who are killing the game, and having the time of their lives doing it. How did they get there? What are their secrets?

I want to learn and grow right along with you; if you are a creative, a hustler, a go-getter, or if you’re a little tired, feeling lackluster, or lacking certainty lately, I want you to feel like you have a friend here, because I’m all of those things, too, depending on the day. 

In other news that truly isn’t news, we moved from one Music City to another: Austin! Except, we live as close to the edge of the city as you could possibly get. Drive two minutes north and there’s another town. And cows. And lots of huge, multi-named highways, several that have the guts to charge you money just for driving on them. (Yes, I lived in Dallas-Fort Worth for six years and experienced toll roads, but I’ve been spoiled for the last two years in toll-free Nashville and will continue to complain about having to pay. To drive. On a road.)

We’re embracing the ‘burbs (John now calls himself a “grass guy,” since he has his own lawn to mow), but I have also had some feelings of unease and even sadness. I read recently that, when we go through a major change, there’s always a period of grief. Seeing that was freeing for me and has been in my mind every day as we settle in to a new house in a new city and I wrestle with these unsettled feelings. As thrilling as a fresh start is, there’s a sense of homesickness for what became our norm for the past couple years.

The idea of grieving during a time of change clicked instantly for me. I always have some anxiety with big shifts like this, and I never understood why. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and looking back, I always, eventually, snap out of the newness funk. But I am learning it’s okay to sit with these feelings and mourn the things that are no longer a part of my day-to-day, even if other incredible things replace them.

While we’re on the topic of things we no longer have, I’m unemployed! Just kidding. But I do have a new work schedule that is overwhelmingly everything I’ve ever wanted–to the point where I pray I don’t self-sabotage it… Not kidding about that.

As we planned for our move back to Texas after John graduated last month, we decided I would take this transition time to chase some dreams that I’d put on the back burner on low heat for the last few years. That whole writing as a career thing is what I’ve wanted since I was little, and now I have the freedom to go after it full-time.

I have a solid number of freelance clients that I work with regularly, but this is the first time (EVER) that I don’t have to be at a job at a certain time of day, answer to bosses, request time off–you get the picture. I have this big, open space to take on more projects, some my own and some for others. It feels weird. And cool. And massively overwhelming and guilt-inducing. I catch myself wondering, Who am I to be in this position? What did I do to deserve this? What if I actually suck and no one has told me yet?

It’s those voices that I have to actively hush with music, or a podcast, or a long run. But sometimes, the voices feel valid and I start to believe I don’t deserve any of this. But I have to remind myself that, even though my career hasn’t been normal, I’ve played a lot of support roles in jobs and relationships. I don’t think my “dues are paid” or the path to becoming a full-time writer will be easy at all, but I do think it’s okay to put me and building my career at the top of my priority list for now.

I think talking about it is big, too. That’s why I’m writing about it here, even though it makes my gut feel a little twisty. But if someone else has experienced feelings of unworthiness, it’s important for you to know someone else is right there with you. I so get it, and let’s promise to work on not selling ourselves short, together. My sister reminded me last week that I have endured through some pretty trying periods to get to this freedom to create what I want, and I wouldn’t have had that outside reminder if I didn’t voice my fears and insecurities to her.

So let’s talk about it. And let’s remember the truth, which is that everything good in our lives we’ve either worked hard for, prayed hard for, or both. I sure want to enjoy them fully while I can.

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2 Comments in Life

« THANK GOD TIMING ISN’T ALWAYS UP TO ME
WHY ARE MILLENNIALS SO FLAKY? »

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Comments

  1. Julie Brown says

    June 18, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    Love this…I’m in the ‘no linger’ phase in sooooo much of my life right now too!

    Reply
    • audrey swanson says

      June 25, 2018 at 10:09 am

      It’s so refreshing!

      Reply

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Hi, there! I'm Audrey. I write blog and email content for female service-based small businesses and creative entrepreneurs. I'm also a professional over-sharer. Welcome to my weird little world. Rosé, correct grammar, and snacks are always welcome here.

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audskelton

Instagram post 2185045713348363765_10260814 Another weekend of exploring, wine tasting, church, rest, ramen, house cleaning, a bath for Piper, and a little work in the books. Aka, my perfect weekend??? Also, I don’t ever want to take off these boots. Ever. The end. Happy Monday and HAPPY THANKSGIVING WEEK! The holidays are here and I am so very happy about it. ☺️✨
Instagram post 2180077453809017638_10260814 In honor of turning 28, I decided to write down 28 things you may or may not know about me... 🎉🥂
1. My middle name is JoAnn, but I didn’t know if there was an ‘e’ at the end for like 16 years. 😬
2. Gray is my favorite color. (I know.)
3. I’ve been writing full-time for a year and a half.
4. I purposefully choose to only work with women entrepreneurs whose missions are to help others.
5. I drink about a gallon of water a day.
6. I also drink a lot of wine (but not every day).
7. I could watch Parenthood over and over again.
8. I am so not attached to things and compulsively give stuff away. 🤦🏼‍♀️
9. Growing up, I always said I’d never get married or have kids.
10. Money doesn’t motivate me, but freedom does.
11. I’m either extremely focused or extremely lazy; I don’t really have a middle ground. 🙃
12. I love being alone. Lol.
13. Cooking with a podcast playing and a glass of rosé in hand is my idea of heaven.
14. @myfavoritemurder is the only podcast I don’t get sick of.
15. I get (and love) Botox.
16. I was vegetarian for 7 years.
17. I got certified to teach yoga when I was 15 years old.
18. I’m the youngest of 4.
19. My sister also likes to remind me I was the “unplanned” fourth. 😂
20. My grandparents are my heroes.
21. I read every single day—gotta keep up with them words, y’know?
22. I am EXTREMELY loyal and protective of my loved ones.
23. I hate to ask for help or bother people.
24. I try to move my body for 30 minutes every day.
25. I interned at Teen Vogue when I was 19.
26. My weakness is cheddar popcorn.
27. My pet peeve is when people don’t listen.
28. I am fixated by all things @bravotv.
As a little b-day gift, would you please leave a little something something interesting/fascinating/weird about you? 🥳🎁 Thanks for all the warm wishes and love. I love y’all. ✨
Instagram post 2179571568460430761_10260814 Last day as a 27 year old wasn’t so bad. Looking forward to 28. ☺️
Instagram post 2178634202199548697_10260814 Never not channeling this moment. ✨ This week has been full and fast and a bit overwhelming. I found myself complaining... a lot. Even as I sat with John last night enjoying a glass of wine. I listened to myself saying I don’t feel confident in some parts of my business and my body hurts and I’m busier than ever and our dog has been horrible lately and, and, and. And there will ALWAYS be things to complain about when we pick apart the details of our lives. But big picture? When I look at all the good that fills up my days—even the smallest things like morning walks and working in my coziest sweats and sipping my Nespresso as I chug away at my dreams—and all the opportunities I’ve been able to pursue, it’s like, holy shit. What am I even stressing about?! As T Swift would say, you need to calm down. So here I am, calmly and contently working on a Saturday but grateful to be able to and knowing this isn’t a weekly norm. (AND, also pretending I’m sitting poolside with a floppy hat and jalapeño margarita, for good measure.) Happy weekend to you. ☀️
Instagram post 2175121518887830575_10260814 I love this life we’re just beginning to build. ☺️
Instagram post 2172919921537463700_10260814 “Wow, Jenna Kutcher just posted an insta story saying she’s hiring a writer... should I apply?” I asked John late one night in bed earlier this year. Before waiting for his response, I’d already swiped up and followed the link to the LinkedIn application. In 5 minutes, I submitted my stuff, and in less than 24 hours, she offered me the role.

I’ve worked remotely on her content alongside a driven and brilliant group of women that makes up her team since April. This week I got to hug and meet each of them face to face for the first time, and I was blown away by the immediate familiarity and bond we had. Like, it’s been a day and I MISS these women I just met. 😂 We spent the days laughing and sipping margaritas by the pool, sharing our dreams for 2020 and beyond, and listening to each other’s stories and lives in a way that Slack really doesn’t allow.

And I have to admit, with a group of 10 women, I imagined there might be some competition or guarded energy, maybe a little clique-iness to navigate this week. That’s been my experience with large groups of women, anyway. (Because does high school ever truly end?!) But I should have known... Jenna isn’t about that kind of community. Every single woman who she’s hired on is warm and inviting, hilarious and inspiring in their own way. I felt like I was able to get to know each of them genuinely and found myself in awe of their stories. And that’s such a testament to the brand and business @jennakutcher has built, from her team to her students and audience and beyond. It’s about connection and impact and possibility, and she’s built a team that literally thrives and emotes allll of that. And I don’t think I’ll ever get over being a part of it. ✌🏼
Instagram post 2170189151853125726_10260814 Heading out on a quick gals-only retreat with one of my favorite clients and her whole team tomorrow, and I AM STOKED.

The truth is... I don’t embrace present moments very well. I’m constantly thinking about and planning out the next thing I need to do, or want to do. I often realize the beauty and blessing of the most special times way later on, failing to soak them up in the moment.

But this? Getting to travel and hang out with a group of powerful, strong women whose communal goal is to serve + improve the lives of others? I’m breathing it in for what it is, and it’s kind of everything I could hope for in creating my career.
Instagram post 2164749803406093536_10260814 Get you some girlfriends who are cool with losing power, getting evacuated in the middle of the night, not knowing where to go, snacking on Cheetos in a parked car for an hour and a half, having nowhere to stay, and still making the most of it. This weekend was NUTS, but I haven’t laughed so hard or had this much fun having my plans totally upended, ummm, ever.

Two of my dearest friends from college came to visit for the last few days, and I had planned allll the things: hiking through the redwoods, visiting Bodega Bay, wine tastings, local restaurants, yoga. I warned them about the Kincade Fire north of Santa Rosa before they got here but assured them we would be fine in the Airbnb we booked for our girls weekend in a town that seemed far enough away from the blazes. It ended up that many of our plans were canceled due to restaurants and wineries closing down from the smoke and employees facing evacuations, and then our Airbnb lost power Saturday night. And at 4 am Sunday morning, John called to tell me the town I was in was now being evacuated and to “just go south.” He’d meet us there because he was soon evacuated, too.

Now, I LOVE a plan. Like need one, live by one, feel most settled when I have one. But someone, somewhere (lookin’ at you, God) is letting me know that it is OKAY to not have a plan always. To figure things out as you go. To find joy in some of the most shitty situations. To focus more on being together in this moment than anticipating and worrying about what’s next.

Right now, we can only plan for the next day. We found an Airbnb to stay in 1.5 hours south of the fires last night, and my friends headed home this morning. Another strong wind is coming in tomorrow, which means the fires likely won’t be under control until later this week, if then. We don’t know when we will be able to go home. And yet, I’m okay. The people who matter most to me (and Piper 🖤) are okay, and I feel so much more concerned and sad about these fires that are devastating and ravishing land and homes and vineyards that have been around for decades in Sonoma County. If you pray, this county could sure use your prayers now. That’s my biggest plan for now.
Instagram post 2159803586007939677_10260814 A year ago, we ate tacos and pumpkin cake in a gray barn outside of Austin with all our family and friends showering us with love and lavender, and a cover band who really loved Bruno Mars. My aunt married us beneath a grove of oak trees after a string ensemble played “Mess is Mine” by Vance Joy as I walked toward you with my parents. It wasn’t a perfect day or the most traditional, but it was perfectly ‘us’ and that’s what I remember most fondly.

This year has brought more change and adventure than we ever could’ve imagined. It’s been challenging and emotional and messy and so very fun, joyful, and rewarding, beginning to build a life with you. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store next after the whirlwind that was year one.

I’ve always said you’re the man who changed my mind about relationships and love. You showed me what faithfulness and compassion look like, and you continue to. Thank you for being patient and honest and steady, and for knowing all the best ways to cheer me up and cheer me on. And for laughing at all my jokes, too. (Even the fake laugh. 😉) Let’s keep messing up and making up and figuring this life thing out forever, okay @the_beermonger?
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