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Audrey JoAnn | Content and Copy Writer

Compelling Copy for Female Founders

WHAT BRENÉ BROWN HAS TO SAY ABOUT SELF-CARE

November 21, 2018

My sister and I went to an event on Monday night that was pure heaven for me. A panel of women. Two comedians, a country singer, authors, and…BRENÉ freaking BROWN. Hello, best night ever. The event is called Together Live, and the entire point of it is to create a sacred gathering of people with different stories, backgrounds, gifts, and ideologies. I had tears in my eyes the whole night from moving stories, belly laughter, and beautiful music.

Brené spoke on leadership, and I’ve never heard an auditorium collectively “hmm” and “yes” together so resoundingly. I could talk about her brave spirit and authentic sharing of imperfection for hours. But she said something toward the end of her talk that really hit me.

Speaking about the capacity we have to serve and lead others, Brené said, “If you can’t love yourself and be kind to yourself, then it’s really hard to love and be kind to other people.”

I know. That’s like a DUH sentence to all of us. Self-care is good, self-care is great, self-care is necessary. We hear that and know it to be true. It’s important to take care of ourselves and love ourselves. Perfect.

—

The kindness bit, though—that struck me differently than the expressions of “self-care” or “self-love.” Being kind to me is different than caring for or loving me.

I have been a proponent of self-care before I’d ever heard the buzz phrase. I work out almost daily because it makes me feel good physically and mentally. I enjoy cooking interesting, healthy meals that stretch my creativity. I love to take 10 minutes to read a devotional or personal development book in the mornings. I take walks, I breathe deeply, I go to church—I do all the self-care things.

But, when I miss a workout that I’d planned on all day but got too busy… When I decide I’m too tired to cook and pick up Chipotle, instead… When my dog is driving me crazy because I sat down at my desk rather than spending time to walk her energy out… Self-care is replaced with self-demolition.

I get irritated with little things. I stew over my laziness or lack of dedication. I get snippy toward others, or prefer to stay quiet and continue my internal stew-fest.

—

A couple weeks ago, I was doing a HIIT class at the gym. The fast movement and intense cardio in a fast-class setting is my favorite thing, but during box jumps, I landed weird and felt a sharp shift in my lower back. Two days later, the pain hadn’t subsided, and I decided to see a chiropractor.

They did an adjustment and took X-rays, and a few days later, I went back to review the scans with the doctor. He asked if I had any hip problems, and I realized, come to think of it, yeah. My hips would ache with pain if I were to be on my feet too long. After standing four days at a music festival a couple years ago, I even joked to my sister that I thought I had gout. My hip pain was unbearable. But it wasn’t constant, so I never did anything about it.

And, for as long as I can remember, with every step I’d take while running, my right hip would pop—but this was painless, so I didn’t think too much of it. I crack my hips all the time… It’s kind of like my party trick. I assumed my years of high school dance just made my hips extra sensitive.

—

The chiropractor showed me my X-rays, and my right hip was rotated at a wonky angle. My back had pinched nerves from the hip rotation, and a curve in my lower spine had begun, he pointed out, probably as a result of my previous dance days.

After another adjustment, my back pain grew less intense, into a dull soreness, until it almost totally went away. My hip, I realized on a run a couple days later, no longer popped with each step. After another workout later that week, I realized the tightness and sometimes sharp pain in my hips after workouts, which I’d grown so used to that it felt normal, was gone. I practically skipped out of the gym.

For so long, this small discomfort in my hips and low back was just minimal enough to not see a medical professional. It was my normal until I landed wrong and pinched some nerves. I didn’t realize the compounding problems I was living with and ignoring.

—

Of course, it could have been way worse, and I’m so glad I have more education about posture, alignment, and getting adjusted before I ever got to a more serious injury. But it’s interesting the regular aches and pains we’ll put up with because they don’t seem too bad.

It’s kind of like that self-kindness thing, right? I try so hard to take care of my body and mind, be healthy—but often fail to fully show myself kindness when facing my own unmet expectations. In this case, my body took a turn toward bitter, deep pain that I couldn’t ignore anymore. When I’m hard on myself for missing something I feel I SHOULD be doing, it leaks out into how I interact with and care for others, just like the pain coming alive in my back.

Self-care doesn’t do much without the kindness piece intertwined. You can exercise and read books and have girls’ night and meal prep and do at-home facials. But if you’re doing it out of blind obligation, and not to treat yourself kindly, then there’s a big component missing. Together, self-care and self-kindness can heal, lift, and hearten your spirit, and everyone around you. Being gracious toward you will teach grace toward others, even if you disappoint you, even if someone else disappoints you.

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1 Comment in Career, Life

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Comments

  1. B Brown says

    November 29, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    Loved this. “Self demolition” and the speed to which we jump there – nailed it!

    Reply

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Welcome! I'm Audrey, and I adore connecting with female founders and telling their stories in a way that matters & lasts for years to come.

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audskelton

Who do you think was more excited about this day t Who do you think was more excited about this day trip out to the coast... us or Wallace? 😅😂 I love them. Also, I can’t get over the burp cloth on John’s shoulder. Ya know, just in case. #newparentlife
One hour, just us two in our backyard with a big c One hour, just us two in our backyard with a big charcuterie board, a deck of cards, a couple glasses of rosé, and no baby monitor. 🤎

The first week of Wallace’s life? I ached even being in another room from him (#hormones). I was a wreck of emotions and had legitimate baby tunnel vision... preeeetty much nothing else mattered. But things have been balancing out this past week, and today was so needed.

My mom is in town all month and watched Wally for us so we could have some time just us two—yep, in the backyard because of shelter in place restrictions from COVID. (Plus let’s be real... I’m not quite ready for an out-of-the-house date yet anyway. 😂)

As much as I desire to be a present + loving mama and ambitious business owner, it’s just as important to me to prioritize our marriage with little moments like this to just be in each other’s presence (and not just talk about burping and swaddling and bedtime routines, like most of our recent convos).

Here’s to (almost) 2 weeks of being parents, @the_beermonger. I think we’ll do okay.
My two favorite guys in the world. 🤍🌎 My two favorite guys in the world. 🤍🌎
Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands without a bump. 👐🏼 Wallace, trying to figure out what we’re doing out of the house. 🤨

First family walk in the books! All of 10 minutes. 🤪 (Also, does anyone else notice the rainbow over Wally?... My heart. 🌈🥺)
1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & mos 1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & most rewarding week of my life. Babies’ sleep schedules, y’all. They are not for the faint of heart.

Wallace is hitting all his milestones, has learned the alphabet, and is picking up Latin. Just kidding. But he CAN poop 3 times in an hour and a half 😎, and he eats like a champ, is so strong that we prefer to tag team diaper changes for now, and makes the sweetest, cutest noises all day long. (And night.) Like even his cry is cute. 😩

One of my friends called this time the “wet weeks”: urine, breast milk, spit up, night sweats, tears, blood, more tears. It’s a lot, and it’s temporary. So even in the hard moments, we are reminding ourselves that the hardest things are often the best things. 

And this really has been the best thing.

So, so thankful for a hands-on husband who’s been so involved in everything... there’s something indescribable about watching your partner care for your child and step into a big, new role like this so gracefully. And we are thankful for ALL of the support, near and far (... mostly far), from our family and friends and coworkers. What a week... here’s to continuing to figure it all out together as a family. 😌
At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worl At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worlds and hearts were changed forever. Everything in between was a gritty, fast-moving tidal wave of emotion, pain, instinct, and a kind of love I never could’ve imagined.

Welcome, Wallace Ronal Skelton. 🤎 You kept us waiting until you decided, very quickly, you’d like to be here. I’m still in disbelief that you are ours. 

January 4, 2021 • 7 lbs 4 oz • 20.5 inches • Sweet as can be.
Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our sense of punctuality which realllly threw me for a loop after thinking & saying for months that I was certain he/she would get here early. I’ve drank 3 boxes of raspberry leaf tea in 3 weeks, walked dozens of miles, eaten way too many dates, done hundreds of squats and bench step-ups... and now I’m surrendering. You come whenever you feel like it, little one. I’m comfy enough and can still sleep through the night (minus a bathroom break or two) so we will just keep on waiting and letting you teach us our first lesson of parenthood: PATIENCE. I knew I could always use some more of it. 😉 #40weekspregnant #pregnancy
scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morni scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morning hike. ☀️🍂 in a year that’s felt like 5, getting outside whenever we can has been my favorite way to reset. so thankful to live in such gorgeous surroundings!
our first and probably only christmas just us thre our first and probably only christmas just us three! quiet and simple and a little sad but mostly filled with hope and gratitude. hope yours is special in all the best ways. 🤍
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