Affairs are horrible things. At least, that’s what everyone thinks. An affair is an adulterous annihilation of a relationship. It is created by the most treacherous betrayal anyone could possibly do to someone they love. But they’re also passionate and secret, and you feel a yearning to maintain that secret because it comes with almost no responsibilities or strings attached — like a vacation, minus the bill at the end.
You’re just doing something that feels good, but you know it’s wrong. It feels like some sort of escape, and that is precisely the allure. The escape offers a world completely outside of your own reality. Someone who has brought a lot of wisdom into my life recently was talking to me about affairs not long ago. My family was split up when I was pretty young in large part due to infidelity, so the word itself — affair — has always felt slimy to me. But this influential person who I was talking with offered me a different way to think about affairs.
Before I started this blog, I thought a lot about this blog. I kept arriving at roadblocks because I didn’t know very much about “techie” things: how to code, or how to self-host websites, or how to create my own logo, which I still have not done. (And I still don’t know much about all those things.) I pretty much just knew how to string words together, while everything else professional-blog-related was Chinese in my head. I don’t know Chinese.
So I had my laundry list of excuses that were swirling around inside me for months, causing me to not create anything, when all I really wanted to do was create this blog. As my friend and I were discussing this issue — me stressing over excuses and not knowing where to begin — she told me that instead of feeling like I can’t and I don’t know how and I don’t have time, to have an affair with my blog.
Stay with me here.
I could keep it a secret for as long as I’d like to; no one needed to see it until I was ready. She told me to have that no-strings-attached fling with writing and creating. The thought of it opened me up to looking at creativity in a new and weird way. Affairs are things that people make time for even when they don’t have the time. Little text messages here and there, staying up a few extra, magical hours into the night.
When I applied that mentality to my goals — jotting down notes and pieces of inspiration throughout my day, writing and editing far past my usual bedtime — I found out just how much time I actually have to commit to my own escape, and it’s wonderful. It isn’t doing extra work and taking on the frightening unknown; it’s flirting with my craft and allowing things to get a little steamy. It’s taking all the positive side effects of affairs — passion, indulgence, flexibility — and twisting them for the benefit of my art. And how beautiful is that?
Dress: Z Supply (sold out: similar here and here) // Faux fur vest: Zara (old: similar in beige here and in white here) // Faux leather tote: Forever 21 (sold out: similar here and here) // Booties: Dollhouse // Necklaces: Tribe Alive // Lipstick: Revlon “Berry Haute”