Life Archives - Audrey JoAnn

SNOOZING IS EVIL & HERE’S WHY

September 27, 2018

One of my worst bad habits is snoozing my alarm when it goes off every morning. John and I both do it, and usually our alarms aren’t synced, so his goes off, then a few minutes later mine goes off, and then his again a couple minutes later, then mine, then his, etc., etc. If I weren’t so busy trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep, I’d probably be annoyed by the influx of interruptions every morning.

Instead, we take turns tapping the Snooze button on each of our iPhones and rolling over for just a few more minutes of shuteye. And then a few more. And then a few more. It is such a part of my wakeup routine that I really don’t think twice about it most days.

But earlier this week, after hitting Snooze for the first time Tuesday morning (I usually partake in 3 to 4 snoozes a day), a thought came to me. Is snoozing for a half hour or more every day affecting my health? The question was enough to pique my interest, but alas, as the true snoozer I am, I fell back asleep regardless of my curiosity.

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH

September 13, 2018

The other week, I drove to this field of wild sunflowers outside of my neighborhood with a pair of scissors and snipped about a dozen of those golden beauties to take home with me. I had just bought a new vase and couldn’t wait to set up these freshly picked flowers on a bookshelf to brighten our living room. So thrifty am I — I didn’t need a $9 bouquet from Whole Foods! All I needed was some scissors and the patience and grit to pull stickers off the ankles of my socks for 15 minutes when I got home. In the field, which is more of an overgrown empty lot, I cut the flowers from their mother stems, and each oozed with sticky juice that even the strongest of dish soap with water couldn’t remove from my hands when I got home.

I also realized, after a short drive back to the house, I transported a couple of small, eight-legged friends home with the flowers. When I saw the spiders scuttling and burrowing deeper into the center of the sunflowers, I promptly freaked out, dropped the bouquet in the kitchen sink, and gave them a quick rinse. Mentally, I’m still scarred that they were IN THE CAR ON MY LAP for approximately three minutes. Finally, my quick attempt at a free spruce-up of my living room came to a close when I patted them dry with a paper towel, filled my gorgeous new vase with water, placed them on their new shelf home, and prayed the spiders had found their new home — down the drain.

The flowers died the next day.

EVERYONE HAS TO SETTLE — TO SOME EXTENT

September 6, 2018

I remember in high school, my friends and I made these long, detailed lists of all the things we wanted in our future boyfriends. (Were we losers? Probably.) Some of the more low-key adjectives included honest, athletic, tall, funny, smart, blue eyes, musical, educated, talkative, supportive, well-read, interested in the same hobbies as me, loves his family but not a mama’s boy, sweet but not clingy, and pisses gold, basically. We were just some seriously low-maintenance gals describing a fictional being.

There are plenty of incredible, talented, kind men out there, but I promise there is not one, who isn’t Jesus himself, who fits our long lists of must-haves. And guess what? I don’t fit the female version of this list of qualities that make up the perfect partner, either.

I can be jealous and passive aggressive while my hair and makeup looks like Beyonce’s, or I can be compassionate and a good listener even though I haven’t washed my hair in four days and have five pimples. None of us are constant; none of us bring the same strengths and wins every day. And what a relief! I would not want the pressure of perfection day in and out.

PREMARITAL THERAPY IS A CRUCIAL PART OF WEDDING PLANNING

August 31, 2018

I don’t think it’s a secret that I like to talk about my feelings. This whole site is basically a portal dedicated to my feelings. Have you noticed? (I’m pretty sure the toddler I used to nanny who can’t read and can hardly talk has noticed.)

When we started premarital therapy a few weeks ago, I figured it would be a fun time to talk about our feelings and dig into why we are the way that we are. GOOD TIMES! On the surface, that’s what it is, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and it certainly isn’t always fun…so I’ve learned. Digging requires muscles we don’t often flex, and it causes blisters to form and pop. It’s uncomfortable and tiresome and reveals weaknesses you didn’t realize you had.

Of course, that wasn’t going to be my experience, though. I went into therapy knowing, not just thinking, that I was a communication-savvy queen. After all, I will let you know EVERY time I am upset. Communication! I will tell you every last feeling and emotion from my day. Savvy! John’s okay, too; I mean, maybe he could learn a thing or two from our therapist, but me? I’ve got this partnering thing down.

Uh huh.