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Audrey JoAnn | Content and Copy Writer

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7 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM 7 MONTHS OF MARRIAGE

May 16, 2019

We almost missed the realization we’d been married for 6 months. It’s not because we’re falling into the “old married couple” category yet (although some of my friends might disagree), but our half-year anniversary fell on Easter this year. And it fell on the day after an overnight girls’ trip to New Braunfels to see my idol, Maren Morris, in concert. So, you know, there was a lot going on.

It was also my brother’s birthday, and the reason I realized it was John’s and my half-anniversary is because my brother beat me to the punch, texting me first thing in the morning to wish us a happy 6 months before I could send him a birthday note. I remember when we announced our wedding date more than a year ago, he made us laugh because he immediately said, “That’s my half birthday!” What can I say? We Swansons like celebrating our birthdays, half or whole.

So, we didn’t do much to commemorate 6 months last month, partially because we did plenty to celebrate all the big Jesus-is-risen stuff (which, c’mon, is way more important). Plus, 6-month anniversaries haven’t ever been my thing. Celebrating 7 months just feels so much more right…

So, in honor of 7 months after “I do” coming up on May 21, here are my 7 biggest takeaways from marriage so far.

We really can’t get out of this.

Does that sound bad? I don’t mean it to sound bad. I actually freakin’ love that we really can’t get out of this. Somehow, that legal binding has made me feel a lot more chill anytime we have a tiff (which, by the way, we do still have tiffs). We can be like, “I’m mad at you, but you’re stuck with me,” and that’s pretty great. It’s even romantic in some ways, if you squint your eyes and think real hard.

Of course, I’m a child of divorced parents, so I know we could get out of this. But my whole idea about marriage is so impacted by my parents’ split that it would take something really, really horrendous happening (I’m talking abuse or infidelity categories, which I pray are roads we’ll never encounter) for me to go down that path.

So I find myself, even in our quarrels, even when I’m feeling testy or impatient, with a deep-down sense of calm that, although we may not be seeing eye to eye on some things, we will figure it out together. Because we don’t have any other choice. And that’s kind of beautiful.

We work best with a plan.

John and I are both big planners. I like to figure out the details, and he’s good at making sure everything goes according to those details. We’ve also further reiterated in marriage that, unfortunately for me, he can’t read my mind about said plans if I don’t share them, and I can’t stop him from fully marching forward with the details when I suddenly want to cancel or shift or change my mind, like my flexibility-loving nature is often inclined to do.

For us, we find synchronicity when we map out our days, at least roughly, with each other and keep the other updated with changes or spontaneous shifts. We have very different jobs and demands, so we aren’t attached at the iMessage every minute of the day. But we do keep each other in the loop so we can both be aware of how the other is doing and what might shift in our normal routines.

Date night is our jam.

We’ve been prioritizing date night one night a week for a year or two before getting married, but it doesn’t mean fitting it in gets any easier now that we’re locked and loaded for life. Sure, we eat dinner together most nights, but often we have hurried meals or we’re exhausted from the day. A date really allows us to connect and enjoy each other’s company in a different way than a regular Tuesday at home.

What really helps us is keeping a low-key approach to dates. Sometimes, it’s just getting a beer and ramen at Whole Foods (okay, fine, this is MOST of our dates) because all we want is simple, good food and a casual place away from our normal environment. Other times, it’s a trendy, cute restaurant we’ve never been to but have wanted to try.

It could also be a thoughtful home-cooked meal if we’re feeling like homebodies, a game of tennis, or working out and going to a brewery. We trade off being “in charge” of picking dates every other week to keep things fresh and fun, and so neither of us feels like we’re carrying the weight. I think this is such an important habit to form now to keep when things get even crazier in our work lives and whenever we eventually have a family.

I’m not good at saying “yes.”

John is literally the most easygoing guy when it comes to where to eat, what to watch on TV, what music to listen to, or what to have for a meal. He is so laidback and doesn’t mind letting me choose most of these minor decisions, which is great for a bossy-as-heck, overly decisive person, aka me. I realized this one day when he suggested something and my automatic response was to say “no,” with no questions asked.

I thought about how unfair that was to him. He truly does not ask for much at all (except to lock all the doors all the time, which I’m still trying to remember to do…). So I’ve been working on being more open to his requests and suggestions, even if they’re as small as wanting to go to a museum he likes that I’ve driven past a million times without an inkling of desire to step inside.

The thing about marriage is that you won’t always like the same things, but you can still commit to experiencing some of them together to bring a small sense of joy to your partner. After all the Bravo shows I’ve forced him to watch (although, I think he’d admit he likes most of them now!), that’s the least I can do.

A thoughtful touch goes a LONG way.

John recently got hit in the mouth after the wind blew the lid of our big outside trash can into his face. We were worried his tooth might be damaged since he said it felt a little loose, and it had a faint vertical line going down the middle of it. After seeing the dentist a few days later, we learned he should just keep an eye on it and not bite into anything hard, but it should be okay, thankfully.

The next week, he asked me to make a coffee for him while he took Piper for a quick walk, but I also realized he was going to be short on time to have breakfast. We didn’t have much, but I threw some granola in a plastic baggie and cut up an apple into bite-sized pieces because I remembered what the dentist had said about hard foods. I never make him breakfast, and he texted me later that day how much it meant that I’d thought to cut up the apple. It was seriously the smallest consideration, but he was so happy from it.

He’s a lot better at small acts of thoughtfulness than I am, but I’m trying to get better. He sends me sweet texts and tells me I look cute even when I have pimple cream on (which is bold, on his part). He brought home my favorite snacks and some flower last week just because he thought of me on his drive home, and he’s never turned down my requests for a backrub. I’m in awe of his generosity and know it’s only making me a more generous person by being his partner.

We should probably travel the world together.

We’d gone on a handful of trips together before getting married, most of them to see our families. But after our honeymoon and another celebratory trip we took with my mom, I realized how much I adore traveling with John. We are in our PRIME while on vacation. (But maybe this is all couples?)

It helps that we’re both planners, so we like to have a few activities and meals set up. But we also like some open time to choose what we want to do on the go and based on recommendations from locals. It’s so fun because we’re both easily impressed by the smallest things, and we both love trying new food and experiences. I just love it and I’m always trying to find ways to fit more trips into our schedule.

John knows how to calm my crazy.

When it comes to disagreements, it’s almost always me getting upset about something silly and then creating a bigger fuss out of a non-issue. I mean, just to generalize things here and be totally transparent. Obviously, he has his faults, too, I should mention, but I gotta be real and admit it’s almost always me attaching nonexistent intentions and stories to insignificant occurrences. My single friends sometimes joke that they need to be as crazy as I am to get a guy. I mean, it’s not NOT true. (I’m totally kidding! Crazy only gets you so far. Haha.)

But really, I can get emotional and attached to the stories I tell myself in triggering scenarios, which are often untrue. And John knows exactly what to say and do to bring me back to planet earth. I never appreciate it in the moment, because isn’t it so true that we’d almost always rather run away with that false story tirade than face the truth that things aren’t as bad as we’re making them out to be?

I’m not saying this happens all the time; in fact, I think it happens less and less now that we’re married, or maybe just as we grow deeper into our relationship. But when it does, I’m learning to come back to a place of trust rather than fear a lot quicker, and that’s in no small part thanks to his patience and nonjudgmental love.

I love that we are so different because the way he thinks about things has taught me to be more analytical, thoughtful, and logical (especially when big-time different opinions are involved).

It’s been a really lovely, affirming, joyful 7 months so far, and based on how things are going, I can’t wait for the rest of our months together. What have YOU learned from your meaningful relationships lately?

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Welcome! I'm Audrey, and I adore connecting with female founders and telling their stories in a way that matters & lasts for years to come.

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audskelton

Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands Me, trying to figure out what to do with my hands without a bump. 👐🏼 Wallace, trying to figure out what we’re doing out of the house. 🤨

First family walk in the books! All of 10 minutes. 🤪 (Also, does anyone else notice the rainbow over Wally?... My heart. 🌈🥺)
1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & mos 1 week old. 🤎 The hardest, most emotional & most rewarding week of my life. Babies’ sleep schedules, y’all. They are not for the faint of heart.

Wallace is hitting all his milestones, has learned the alphabet, and is picking up Latin. Just kidding. But he CAN poop 3 times in an hour and a half 😎, and he eats like a champ, is so strong that we prefer to tag team diaper changes for now, and makes the sweetest, cutest noises all day long. (And night.) Like even his cry is cute. 😩

One of my friends called this time the “wet weeks”: urine, breast milk, spit up, night sweats, tears, blood, more tears. It’s a lot, and it’s temporary. So even in the hard moments, we are reminding ourselves that the hardest things are often the best things. 

And this really has been the best thing.

So, so thankful for a hands-on husband who’s been so involved in everything... there’s something indescribable about watching your partner care for your child and step into a big, new role like this so gracefully. And we are thankful for ALL of the support, near and far (... mostly far), from our family and friends and coworkers. What a week... here’s to continuing to figure it all out together as a family. 😌
At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worl At 5 a.m. my water broke and at 3:44 p.m. our worlds and hearts were changed forever. Everything in between was a gritty, fast-moving tidal wave of emotion, pain, instinct, and a kind of love I never could’ve imagined.

Welcome, Wallace Ronal Skelton. 🤎 You kept us waiting until you decided, very quickly, you’d like to be here. I’m still in disbelief that you are ours. 

January 4, 2021 • 7 lbs 4 oz • 20.5 inches • Sweet as can be.
Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our Well, this baby friend doesn’t exactly have our sense of punctuality which realllly threw me for a loop after thinking & saying for months that I was certain he/she would get here early. I’ve drank 3 boxes of raspberry leaf tea in 3 weeks, walked dozens of miles, eaten way too many dates, done hundreds of squats and bench step-ups... and now I’m surrendering. You come whenever you feel like it, little one. I’m comfy enough and can still sleep through the night (minus a bathroom break or two) so we will just keep on waiting and letting you teach us our first lesson of parenthood: PATIENCE. I knew I could always use some more of it. 😉 #40weekspregnant #pregnancy
scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morni scenes from our blissful, muddy, much-needed morning hike. ☀️🍂 in a year that’s felt like 5, getting outside whenever we can has been my favorite way to reset. so thankful to live in such gorgeous surroundings!
our first and probably only christmas just us thre our first and probably only christmas just us three! quiet and simple and a little sad but mostly filled with hope and gratitude. hope yours is special in all the best ways. 🤍
the most freeing parenting advice i’ve heard so the most freeing parenting advice i’ve heard so far? (and i’ve gotten a lot this year!) our children NEED to see us to mess up. they need to see us walk through mistakes, fix our messes, apologize, learn, and readjust.

as someone who very much realizes i’m nowhere *near* perfect but is also terrified something i’ll do might mess my kid up for life... hearing this advice has stuck with me so profoundly. i think about it every day, especially as we get closer and closer to becoming parents.

we don’t need to get it right. in fact, we’re serving them better when we get it wrong AND course correct openly. when we can admit our faults and say we’ll do better next time.

i had a friend tell me a few months ago she apologizes to her baby all the time. she’ll say, “i’m sorry that i really don’t know what you need right now, but i’m learning... i’m sorry that you’re upset, let’s figure this out together.”

and i thought that was a beautiful way to own and lean into the truth that parenting isn’t having the answers all figured out—at all. it’s guessing and learning as you go and being able to be humble enough to apologize to your infant when you don’t get it right (and then your toddler, and then your kid, and then your teenager).

these next 18+ years are going to be an adventure, i can already tell. lots of mess-ups. lots of sorry’s. lots of goodness. 🤍

oh, and... can we all agree that the worst parenting advice is “sleep when the baby sleeps”?! as the lightest sleeper ever, i don’t need that pressure in my life. 😅 

photo by @jilliangoulding
the body of the grinch but the heart of cindy lou the body of the grinch but the heart of cindy lou who. ♥️

(wrong holiday, i know—but let’s not pretend 90% of us don’t already have christmas stuff up already okay?)

however you’re celebrating & whoever you’re celebrating with today, i hope it’s special. happy thanksgiving, friend! 🦃🍂💛 #thanksgiving #35weekspregnant
simple joys today: 🍂a pecan praline almond mil simple joys today:

🍂a pecan praline almond milk misto in the @starbucks holiday cup.
🍂early monday morning grocery run with my husband for simple thanksgiving ingredients for our 2-person party (well, 3 technically i guess 😜) on thursday.
🍂cool mornings.
🍂fall colors.
🍂the charlie brown christmas album on repeat. (i honestly think this is my favorite album of all time. 😂 we even got it on vinyl this year. i listen to it from end of october through january every single year.)
🍂random fall-y at-home manicures.
🍂2 short weeks in a row.
🍂phone calls with family.
🍂baby hiccups, kicks, and rolls & starting to distinguish between knees, hands, and a booty sticking out of my stomach. 😂
🍂sleeping in.
🍂finishing up home projects. (y’all, WE FINISHED THE FLOORS. praise.)
🍂a clean home.
🍂daily walks & clean air.
🍂soaking in the joy of our last childless vacation/staycation.

so much to be grateful for. and this year it’s really the little things that are the big things. what are your simple joys you’re hanging on to right now?
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